


Cooking With Hollstein

by RunWithWolves



Series: 25 Days of Sweetheart [3]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Chef AU, F/F, tv hosts au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 08:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12406869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunWithWolves/pseuds/RunWithWolves
Summary: Laura is one the world's best pastry chefs and eager to share her skills on national tv as the host of a new cooking show. The only problem is her co-host: the ever snarky,  fine dining extraordinaire, chef Carmilla Karnstein. The network liked their chemistry. That's probably because they don't know that Carmilla is also Laura's ex-girlfriend.Laura puts up with the snark for 2 years but when Carmilla keeps winding her up with sass and seduction eyes, it only takes so long before Laura snaps.





	Cooking With Hollstein

**Author's Note:**

> Bickering. Just all the bickering.

Carmilla may have been gorgeous but that didn’t stop Laura from looking like she wanted to punch her in her smug face when Carmilla slunk onto set and husked a “You look especially delectable this morning, cutie” in her ear. The only thing stopping her was the call of the director and a “3 2 1” in her earpiece.

She put on her best smile, leaning on the kitchen island counter to face the camera and praying that Carmilla would do the same, “Good afternoon everyone,” Laura said, “and welcome to another day of ‘Cooking With Hollis and Karnstein’.”

“I think you mean ‘Cooking with Karnstein and Hollis’.” Carmilla cut in from beside her

Laura gave her a look, “I meant what I said.”

“Doesn’t caring that much about something so trivial as our names exhaust you?” Carmilla said.

“Not all of us need 3 cups of coffee to get us going in the morning,” Laura shot back.

The camera guy gave them a thumbs up. The biggest blessing of being paired with celebrity chef Carmilla Karnstein for their daily hour-long show was the fact that their audience loved their bickering dynamic. She would have quit when the show started 2 years ago if they’d forced her to actually be civil to Carmilla.

Carmilla reached out to take a sip from her coffee mug, “That’s because some of us don’t go to bed at 11pm on the dot. There is such a thing as enjoying a wild night out. Some of us have bigger things to worry about than whose name is first.” 

Even so, Laura didn’t miss the way Carmilla flicked the air near where the bottom of the tv screen would fall. At her action, the guys in the booth would be spinning out the ‘Hollis and Karnstein’ logo for the ‘Karnstein and Hollis’ one. Later, Laura would get to sneak in her own flick to turn it back. 

She also didn’t miss the cut of Carmilla’s jawline as it glinted under the studio lights when she leaned forward to pull off the ‘subtle’ flick.

Even if the bickering was real, the network had to add their own shtick to it. There was a result every episode showing if Carmilla or Laura had managed to have ‘their’ logo up for the longest time over each show. 

Laura was winning.

“Well,” Laura smiled for the camera, “all that sleep means that I’m prepared with the list of what we’re teaching our viewers on their journey to culinary expertise today.”

Carmilla sighed, “Hit me, buttertart. Who’s going to dazzle us with their ineptitudes today?”

“Buttertart?” She stared at Carmilla, “Really?”

“You’re right.” It was always suspicious when Carmilla agreed with her, “While you’re as sweet and over-sugared as those cavity-inducing treats you make, I should have stuck with the classic cupcake. Buttertart was too much this early.”

“It’s 3pm.” Laura deadpanned. 

Carmilla gave her a smirk, “And I’d only ever get up this early for you, cupcake.”

While Carmilla had made her mark as a Michelin star level chef specializing in French cooking before becoming the face of antagonistic snarky tv chefs, Laura was one of the world’s most acclaimed pastry chefs. 

Which meant that the baking related nicknames never ever stopped. 

The rest of the show ran through without anything more than the usual level of incident. They had five contestants come in for judging and Carmilla only managed to turn one into an ‘idiot sandwich’ while holding 2 pieces of bread against the contestants ears. When Carmilla stood up, Laura was mostly able to keep her eyes off her leather pants. Mostly. When they competed to make their own versions of the winning contestant’s dish, the snarking had stayed to ‘studio acceptable levels’ and Laura had even managed to win the logo switching contest. 

With a fresh cookie in her hand, Laura smiled at the audience as Carmilla brooded beside her, “Well that’s today’s cooking extravaganza,” Laura said, “and we look forward to seeing your pictures of your attempts at today’s dish!”

“Not me,” Carmilla butt in, “Send them all to @laura2the letter. I don’t need amateur chefs flooding my inbox.”

Laura let her smile turn just a little sneaky, “If any of you fail miserably, remember we all do and that’s part of the learning process! Then make sure to send a picture to Carmilla. Nothing pleases her more than failure.”

“Do not send to me.”

Laura winked and threw her arm over Carmilla’s shoulder, ignoring how warm she was against her. The camera ate it up, “She’s just saying that.”

“I hate you.”

“Possibly.” Laura gave the camera one last smile, “Remember, Cooking with Hollis and Karnstein will be back on Thursday so be sure to tune in and see us show you how to take apart recipes from famous chefs and make them accessible to the everyday kitchen.”

Laura gave the camera a thumbs up as Carmilla gave a haphazard salute.

As soon as the director gave them the all clear, she looked at Carmilla, “You did not have to make that chef cry.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t want to.” Carmilla slid off her stool, “That meal was repugnant. I can’t believe I actually had to taste it.”

“It could have been better but still!”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “You know, you’re only typecast as the bubbly uptight but kind chef when the cameras are on. You’re allowed to let loose once in a while cupcake. Have a little fun.”

“And you only have to be the snarky, lazy, and mysterious one when the cameras are on yet that doesn’t stop you from being those things 100% of the time.” Laura’s jerked her mic from her shirt and dropped it on the counter. 

That didn’t keep her breath from stopping when Carmilla smirked and purred in her ear as she walked by, “Oh come on, cupcake. We both know that you’re well aware that I’m only lazy 95% of the time. There’s one, very specific activity, that I put in my effort for.”

“Cooking a really good duck.”

“Fine two things,” Carmilla said, “but you know that’s not the one I was referencing.”

Her hands slipped under the edges of Laura’s shirt and even though Laura knew that she should have pushed them away, she only shivered as Carmilla’s fingertips brushed against the top of her pants.

“You know,” Carmilla whispered, tone almost soft, “I wasn’t kidding when I said that you need to let loose a little. Have some fun. You’re pushing yourself too much. ”

Even with years between the last time and her present situation, the touch was still familiar. Nostalgic. Carmilla getting bolder with every month that passed. 

With every action that Laura couldn’t quite bring herself to push away immediately.

Instead of pushing, she turned towards the stovetop at the back of the set. Hands fluttering. “Remember,” she said, “we have a meeting with the studio execs at 5. Please don’t be late again.”

Carmilla sighed and stepped away, “I’ll be in my dressing room then but if I fall asleep, no guarantee I’ll wake up on time.”

Even though she knew she shouldn't, Laura’s eyes followed her leather pants until Carmilla was gone.

When she’d auditioned, the executives had told her that they’d never seen chemistry like her’s and Carmilla’s. An immediate familiarity they said. A set dynamic that they thought the viewers would eat up. Controversy with ‘fondness’ running underneath.

Laura had trouble believe the fondness part but she knew, without a doubt, that she and Carmilla had chemistry.

They’d always had chemistry.

That’s what happens when the studio accidentally makes you audition for a tv show with the ex-girlfriend you hadn’t seen since your messy culinary school break-up.

Chemistry.

#

Laura stomped down the back hallways of the studio at 8pm. Her face stony, hands clenched at her sides. She banged on the dressing room door, unceasing until a sleepy Carmilla was blinking blearily at her.

“Oh,” Carmilla stretched and Laura had to forcibly keep her gaze off the exposed skin of her stomach, “Crap. Did I miss the meeting?”

“Would it kill you to set an alarm?” Laura shouted.

Carmilla shrugged, her hair falling wildly around her shoulders, “Maybe. Wouldn’t want to risk it.”

Laura shook her head, “I asked you one thing, Carmilla. One thing! I take care of knowing who the guests are and doing most of the introductions and handling the paperwork. All I ask is that you don’t leave me hanging when we have to face the studio exces. That’s it. I don’t even ask you to be polite about it because heaven knows that would be a literal miracle. I just ask you to show up.” Laura could feel her jaw clench, “And what do you do?”

Carmilla answered before she could, “Not show up.”

“Not show up!” Laura repeated. “Like come on. I know you hate me and all but really? Really? This is your job. You don’t think that you could even put an ounce of effort in?”

Carmilla blinked, pushing off the doorframe where she was leaning, “Wait. What?”

“Put in the effort!” Laura said, hating that Carmilla’s confusion could even flash as adorable in her brain, “Just put in a little bit of effort. That’s all I’m asking. That’s all I’ve ever asked.”

“No, not that.” Carmilla ran a hand through her hair.

“Then what?!” 

The words were quiet, “You think I hate you?”

Laura paused, the tension dropping from her jaw at the flicker of almost-hurt in Carmilla’s eyes, “Um yeah?” she said, “Laf said you took this job only after I signed on and I’m pretty sure that was just so you could torment me. You constantly try to antagonize me. You mock the information sheets that I prep before every show. You deviate from the plan all the time so that I have to scramble to keep up. That’s not even mentioning our history which, by the way, we’ve never talked about since we started this show. You try and tease me with all of your seductive seductress hotness, you don’t show up for meetings to leave me hanging, and last week you put fake blood in the milk that I use for my hot chocolate!” The anger grew again with every word.

“Well then,” Carmilla took a step back, “It’s a wonder that you even put up with me then.”

“I know!” 

“Except for my seductive seductress hotness,” Laura’s blood pressure went sky high as Carmilla smirked at her. There was something tinged in the smirk but she couldn’t bring herself to care. “I’d keep me around for that too. Like I said, if you won’t take the stress relief offered then at least you can have fun imagining it.”

Later, Laura would blame the way her emotions were swirling. Anger and confusion and tension and hurt. Later, Laura would blame the fact that Carmilla was standing there all freshly woken up with sexy sleepy voice. Later, Laura would just blame Carmilla’s whole stupid sexy body.

She lunged forward and kissed Carmilla. A messy, powerful kiss that shoved Carmilla back into the room and refused to surrender anything. Her hands were in Carmilla’s hair, thigh between her legs and Laura kissed her with everything she had. When Carmilla let out a moan in her ear, nails tight on her back, Laura pushed her down onto the messy bed and climbed on top of her.

“This doesn’t mean anything. One time thing.” she said.

“You got it, cupcake.” Carmilla was looking up at her with dark blown-out eyes.

“Just stress relief.”

“Just stress relief,” Carmilla repeated, her fingers already caressing Laura’s abs.

So Laura kissed her again.

#

It was the Thursday call time for their show and Laura’s jaw dropped when Carmilla walked in five minutes early. It dropped a little further when she saw the corset that just barely passed the networks dress code rules. Her jaw popped back up when Carmilla noticed her gaping and smirked. 

“Well, now cupcake,” Carmilla walked over and gave a slow turn, “You like this look? Wore it just for you.”

Laura fought to ignore the heat rising in her cheeks, “Actually, I was just surprised to see you here early for once.”

Carmilla grinned and Laura felt like she’d walked into a trap, “I think you’ll find that I’ll do a lot of things when sufficiently motivated and seeing you again, after you so rudely left me sleeping alone, was definitely sufficient motivation.”

“That was a one time thing,” Laura hissed. She looked around, checking if anyone was listening, “We agreed that it was just stress relief.”

Carmilla’s hand was hot on her thigh, “I’ll admit that I’m pretty good but even I can’t eliminate all of your stress in one go. I’m going to recommend multiple sessions, really work out all that steam you’re holding up.”

“One time thing!” Laura repeated. 

“Oh come on,” Carmilla leaned forward, sliding into Laura’s space with ease, “What’s an ex for if not a little stress relief? Someone who remembers exactly how you like it without having to go through that awkward learning phase.” She was practically purring, “You can’t tell me that last night wasn’t great for you.”

Laura was saved from having to answer that particular question by a voice in her earpiece asking for a mic check. 

She looked over at Carmilla, “Hand.”

Carmilla moved her hand immediately and Laura almost mourned its loss. Instead, she busied herself with mic checks and reading over her information sheets for the fifth, sixth, and seventh times so that she wouldn’t have to look at Carmilla.

Corset wearing Carmilla. 

She didn’t put the papers down until the “3 2 1” in her ear. Smiling at the camera, Laura started with “Good afternoon-”

She didn’t even get through the second word.

“Alright people. Listen up,” Carmilla cut her off, “This is Cooking With Karnstein and Hollis. I’m Karnstein. She’s Hollis. It’s easy to remember because I’m the skilled hot one and she’s the cute kid who likes to bake.”

Laura was going to murder her, “Baking is a skill!”

It was a long show.

Long in that Carmilla refused to stop needling her and the studio was eating it up. Long because Laura actually lost a ‘Name Logo Time’ contest. Long because Carmilla in a corset should have been illegal and Laura was absolutely certain that Carmilla was doing it on purpose.

Carmilla had winked at her while licking batter off her thumb and Laura had dropped the entire lemon into her cake.

Then she’d gone red and Carmilla had said, “That angry scrunch in your nose is adorable, creampuff.”

It had been comments like that for the entire hour.

She grabbed Carmilla as soon as the show was over, catching her in the hallway outside the set and backing her against the wall. “What in the world was that?!?”

“You said I should put more effort in,” Carmilla was trying to look innocent but couldn’t stop smiling, “So I decided to contribute a little more!”

“Not what I meant!”

“Whoops.” Carmilla’s tone said anything but whoops.

Laura held the bridge of her nose, “Are you intentionally trying to antagonize me?”

Carmilla shrugged. The action brought her bare shoulders into contact with Laura’s hands where they bracketed her. The touched burned. “Maybe. Who knows!”

“Why are you even like this!” Laura threw her hands in the air and stepped back.

Carmilla just stepped after her, “Like what.”

“Like. All. This!” Laura poked her gently in the chest, “All annoyingly arrogant.”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, “You’re one to talk. You’re the bossiest person I know.”

“Rude,” Laura shot back.

“Prissy.”

“Smug.”

Carmilla stepped forward, “Hypocritical.”

Laura couldn’t have that and stepped up to match her, “Superior.”

Carmilla stepped back but her words stayed taunting “Tightly wound.”

“Condescending.”

“Nerdy.”

“Narcissistic.”

Laura had Carmilla pinned to the wall before she even realized it. A hairsbreadth away and breathing heavily in front of her. Laura’s own chest beating a rhythm. All she could smell was Carmilla. Leather and wine and a little bit of fire. All she could see was Carmilla.

She kissed her. 

Laura leaned her up against that wall and kissed Carmilla until she couldn’t breathe. When they stopped for air, she just pulled Carmilla into the nearest room. Hands squeezing, grabbing, searching as they fell onto the couch. 

“Alright,” she said, trying to catch her breath an hour later as she searched for her pants, “This might not be a one time thing.”

Carmilla’s grin was cocky as she rolled over on the couch to face her.

“But it’s just stress relief,” Laura re-iterated, “That’s it.”

There was a pause as Carmilla grabbed her own shirt, “Sure cupcake,” she said at last, “Just stress relief.”

Exes with benefits. This could totally work.

**Author's Note:**

> What could possibly go wrong here, Laura? Nothing. I'm sure it's fine. ;)
> 
> Have I written an exes with benefits au before? I don't think so? Plus chefs and reality tv are both new ones so we're checking all the lists. With my extremely tight schedule and minimal writing time compared to normal, the fact that you creampuffs are being so lovely and supportive just makes me smile and I'm so so thankful for you and for every kudos, comments, and [ tumblr flails ](http://ariabauer.tumblr.com/).
> 
> This is story 3 of 25 Days of Sweetheart where I'll be writing a Carmilla story every day for 25 straight weekdays.   
> Stay stupendous. <3 Aria


End file.
